Two Fairies and a Lego...

There is so much to catch up on that I cannot possible write it all or post all the pictures. So I will start with Halloween and over the next week or so, attempt to post some things that have happened in our household lately.

So for halloween, the girls were both sugar plum fairies and Charlie was a blue lego. Dave made the Lego costume and did a wonderful job!

And of course Dave had to have his fun, too!!

The Curse of Facebook

Ok- so I have been posting a lot on Facebook lately and not so much here as you may have noticed. Or have you? I am aware that there is a possibility that Facebook is the new blog. Does anyone blog anymore? I am behind and plan to begin again now that the new schoolyear is looming. But is anyone really interested? Or is it just quicker to Facebook or Tweet (which I refuse to do!)? So I guess here is my test.

IF YOU READ MY BLOG, OR PLAN TO READ MY BLOG TO CONTINUE TO LEARN ABOUT THE LIVES OF OUR FAMILY, PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT.

This way, I will know if I need to continue this blog, or retire it. Thanks for you cooperation!!

In search of the Perfect (Maxi) Dress...

What is it about dresses? It's almost like shopping for jeans- it is impossible to find the Perfect Dress. I have a huge affection for the new Maxi dresses. I have always loved long dresses and skirts- even though they pretty much went out of style recently. But ahhhhh- the Maxi dress. The problem? Most of them are NOT what you would call modest. Am I just too old fashioned? (Here comes my soapbox.) Why is it that most dresses and even tops are so revealing? I would never have considered showing my bra straps, or wearing a strapless top or dress when I was growing up. Now it seems this is even allowed in schools- along with too-short hems and shorts. What happened to modesty? What happened to parents who teach modesty? I know that I am a pastor's wife and cannot wear too revealing dresses to church, but that also means I shouldn't wear them at all. And I don't want to. I don't want men looking at my bra straps or thinking I am showing too much skin. But young girls are doing this daily (and so are their mothers!). I can barely even find shorts for my 4-year-old that aren't too short- or booty shorts. This is disturbing to me. Even dresses at her age are revealing, but it seems more okay at her age.

Today I was shopping and trying on dresses. I thought maybe I would get one if I found the Perfect Dress. I don't know how many I tried on, but it was far too many. They were either too low cut, or not bra-friendly. Granted, my 30-something body is no longer a size 4, and my 3-babies-used boobs are not where they used to be, but come on!! Is it too much to ask for a cute dress that actually covers everything it should? I can already tell it will be a battle to teach my girls modesty when I can barely find them clothes to fit the bill.

Ok. I'm off my soapbox. For now.

Catching Up

I know I have a lot of catching up to do again, but first I must start with one of the biggest things that has happened to us in the past few weeks. Our sweet little dog, Ashley was hit by a car and has gone to doggie heaven. Our family was crushed. She was such a sweet puppy and one of her favorite things to do was roam the neighborhood and chase cars. We have been told by our neighbors that they loved getting to visit with her and pet her whenever she came around, and that she became known as the neighborhood dog. I guess we find solace in knowing she died doing what she loved. Explaining this to your young children, however, is horrible. My kids seem already to have suffered a lot of loss in their lives, and this one was very close to their hearts. They still talk about her all the time, and how much they miss her. We buried her with a little ceremony in the backyard and placed a large rock there to remember her by. The kids always go out to check on Ashley's rock. It breaks my heart to see them go through such sadness at such a young age. In fact, while Charlie seems to hold his thoughts in some, Madeline has now reverted to telling me often that she is sad about Goldie (our 1st fish), Dory (our last fish), Ms. Debbie, Uncle Louis, Win and Ashley. Oh, my aching heart! So here are a few pics of when we first got Ashley.
Madeline also adds to the list above that she is sad about Hope. Here is why. We found out on the SAME DAY that Ashley died that our very best friends in Nocona, the Ratliffs, are moving. Russell has taken a new job coaching in Pottsboro and they will be leaving this summer. Dave and I refused to tell the kids that day- Hope has always been Charlie's girlfriend, and we have spent time together almost daily for the last year or so. It will be a huge loss in their lives. (And mine!!!) Mandy and I have gotten to be wonderful friends at a time when I didn't really have someone in that position here in Nocona. She has been my go-to person, the one I can always count on at church and confide in as a Pastor's wife. We began homeschooling at the same time, and even Dave and Russell have been great friends. It is difficult to find COUPLES that you can be such good friends with. Usually it's the wife's friend or the husband's friend and the others just tag along. So we told the kids a few days later, and now we are all dreading next month when the move will take place. But we wish them well, as we all know it is a God-thing. Russell will have a better position and be able to spend more time at home with his family. And it is only a little over an hour away.

We have just finished a week of Vacation Bible School at another Baptist church here in Nocona, and the kids had great fun. I was actually recruited to help out- pretty funny seeing as that I'm the Pastor's wife of the other Baptish church in town! But I loved it and it was so great to know that we can all act together as God's church instead of "this church" or "that church." It was very eye-opening for me and may have even led to God laying on my heart the need for children's ministry to "take off" a little at our own church this summer. You know me- I can't seem to not have a project in the works!! Speaking of, my Summer Dance Workshop is next week. Pray that I will have a good turnout!!

Charlie just had his first ever real sleep-over last night. The couple that lives behind us has a grandson that is a littlw older than Charlie but they always play together whenever he comes to visit. So last night Charlie ate dinner there and then came back to ask to spend the night. Dave's comment as we sent him out the back door was "we're old." And Charlie continues to grow up uncontrollably.

Madeline is looking forward to homeschooling and also her birthday this month. We are trying to put together a pool party for her, but aren't sure of the specifics. She is about the worst decision maker I know- besides myself!! I have had the hardest time getting her to decide on a party. But she can't wait to turn five!! She is also reading now which blows my mind. She's not a baby anymore!

Caroline is a babbler! She has so much to say and it is so funny to watch. She even gets her hands involved and just goes at it! Unfortunately, there are no real words, but she's got a lot on her mind! The only word we have gotten so far is "Pee-Pie!" I'll take it though! We have discovered that she has Sleep Apnea and we are going to see an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist in Dallas next month. My guess is a Tonsilectomy/Adnoidectomy. Makes me sick to think about!! But she can snore like a train and sometimes I wonder if she can even get a full breath. So please be in prayer for her.

I will update more and with pictures soon.

Missing my Hubby...Remembering Debbie

So this weekend my sweet Daviss in in the Virgin Islands. St. Croix to be exact. And of course, my Angel Baby Caroline could just not permit me to go along- not to mention my fear of flying (an understatement). The reason he is there is to officiate the beach destination wedding of our Miss Debbie's daughter, Ashley. It hurts my heart to not be there, but I know that she is having a wonderful wedding and I am so happy for her.

Missing my hubby to me means that things just aren't quite the same here without him. My world seems to be slightly off-kilter. Food doesn't taste the same, TV isn't as fun to watch, I don't sleep as well, I don't get very much adult conversation, and I have no one to turn to and say, "It's YOUR turn," when the kids are yelling and fighting yet again. As some of you know, this particular time has been much worse than before when he has been gone, and God has chosen for some reason to test me in ways that I didn't think I was prepared for. But I was wrong. I have learned that God has His own plans and who am I to argue? Bottom line is that while sometimes it is nice to have some time to myself in my marrriage, it is even better to be with my hubby.

As for remembering Debbie, I had a wonderful dream last night which was the night before Ashley's wedding. I walked into a room and there was Debbie as alive as ever staring at me. I ran to her and we held each other and sobbed and sobbed. I cannot tell you how real this dream was. I could see her, feel her, smell her, and hear her telling me she loved me. I showed her our Angel Baby Caroline and we talked and I realized that she hadn't died at all, but had gone away so that her loved ones wouldn't have to see her suffer. I woke up soon after and of course realized it wasn't real, but I still feel like God gave me a glimpse of her- my "fix" I guess. I had been praying the last few days for something to happen for Ashley while she was in St. Croix. I hope she has felt Debbie's presence the way I did. I know Debbie is smiling down on her as proud as she can be.

All About Mom

This is a questionairre I found on my friend, Sally's blog a few months ago. I thought it was appropriate for Mother's Day. So I sat down with my kids and asked them these questions about their mom. My thoughts are in the parenthesis after theirs.

What is one thing Mom always says to you?
Charlie- You ask me to take care of Caroline.
Madeline- I Love You.

What makes Mom happy?
C- If I clean my room.
M- Giving you a flower.

What makes Mom sad?
C- If I don't clean my room.
M- Not giving you anything.

What makes Mom laugh?
C- When I tickle you.
M- Tickling you.

What was Mom like as a child?
C- I don't know, I wasn't even born yet!
M- With curly hair. (umm.. nope)

What is Mom's favorite thing to do?
C- Take pictures.
M- Picking flowers for me.

What does Mom do when you're not around?
C- Watch TV. (unfortunately one of my vices.)
M- Clean the dishes.

If Mom were famous, what would it be for?
C- Taking pictures. (He hates taking pictures, can you tell?)
M- A rock star. (wow)

What is Mom good at?
C- Taking care of Caroline. (awww!)
M- Playing the computer.

What is Mom not very good at?
C- Doing school with me. (Yikes! Gimme a break- it's only our first year!)
M- Not buying a pet horse. (!!!)

What does Mom do for a job?
C- Doing school with me.
M- Cutting my hair.
(If only I COULD get paid for these!)

What is Mom's favorite food?
C- Your strawberry cereal. (Special K)
M- Strawberries. (This is really her fave. My fave? Chocolate and Italian.)

Why are you proud of your Mom?
C-You're the greatest Mom! (awwwww again!)
M- Cleaning the whole house. (yikes again!)

If Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
C- Gwen on Ben 10 Alien Force. She has orange hair and a pink force field. (Wouldn't that be cool?)
M-A rock star.

What do you and Mom like to do together?
C- School. (I feel better now.)
M- Putting dirty clothes in the washer.

How are you and Mom the same?
C- We love each other the same amount.
M- Our feet. (God, please don't let her get my feet!)

How are you and Mom different?
C-You're older than me.
M-I don't have the same shirt as you.

What is Mom's favorite place to go?
C- Hope's house to see Miss Mandy. (Probably true- also Starbuck's and Children's Place)
M- Dairy Queen and Tres Ninos.

How do you know Mom loves you?
C- You always hug me.
M- You help my boo boo feel better.
(more awwws!)

Out of the mouths of babes.

Mini-Me

I dance; she dances.

I brush my hair; she rubs her head.

I play peek-a-boo; she plays peek-a-boo.

I blow a kiss; she blows a kiss.

I put on my shoes; she gets her shoes.

I shake out a shirt to fold; she shakes a shirt.

I yell at the kids; she tells 'em too.

I sing the Barney Raindrop song; she sings the "Ah's."

I read a book; she "reads" a book.

I write; she tries to write.

I laugh; she laughs.

I cuddle; she cuddles.

I love; she loves.

Miracles without end.

Thank You, Lord.

Louis Boyd

Dave's uncle, Louis Boyd, has passed away. Thankfully, he is with his Savior and is well and free from pain. His suffering is over and now he can simply rest and worship Jesus for eternity. Dave is traveling to Baton Rouge today for the funeral which is on Sunday. Dave's mom and step-dad, father, sister, and aunt and uncle and their families are also traveling from Florida. Please be in prayer for them as well as for Shela and Travis and Louis's parents as they lay Louis to rest and celebrate his life. And be sure to tell someone today how much you love them.

As I write, my children are bringing me flowers from outside. It seems fitting, doesn't it? No matter how angry I get at them, or how crazy they make me sometimes, my love for them is unconditional and unending. I cannot imagine losing a child at any age. It is something no one should have to endure- it isn't natural in the circle of life. And yet it happens. And someday, they will be someone's aunts and uncle, mothers and father, and prayerfully, grandparents. We seem to take family for granted until they are gone. I am reminded that even though I didn't know Louis very well, he still had an impact on my life. He was an amazing godly man, and he was so funny. He was wise and was always ready with advice for Dave in his ministry. And Shela is such a wonderful Pastor's wife. I have always been inspired by her devotion to him, which was unwavering in the end. She handled his plight with such dignity and faith (as did he), that I wonder if I would have in her shoes. It is tragic for such a life to end, no matter how prepared we all were. And Travis is now a minister as well, no doubt inspired by his dad. Rest well, Uncle Louis.

Prayer for Louis

Dave's Uncle Louis has been fighting cancer for about 8 years. Two weeks ago, Hospice was called in and all treatments for the cancer ceased. They are trying to make him comfortable and manage his pain. This is a place the family did not want to be, but God has seen fit with His will. Please pray for his wife, Shela and his son, Travis as they cope with the reality they are now facing. Pray that Louis will not suffer, and for peace and comfort for his family. Dave's grandparents, Louis' parents, are also not in the greatest of health and are traveling to Baton Rouge to see Louis. Pray for comfort for their hearts, and that these days would not hurt them physically. Also for the rest of the family- Dianne, Louis' sister and Dave's mother, and Louis' other brother Lee and other sister Marilynn. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

Sweet Caroline is One

Happy Easter!

Here are the Woodbury Easter Bunnies:

And this little bunny fell asleep before picture taking was over!!

"Nummies" a.k.a. "Num-Nums."

For any guys who may be reading my blog (wow- thanks!), this post may be TMI and you may want to skip it!!

I have been again blown away by the entire process of nursing. That is, breastfeeding. This has happened to me from time to time during the years I have been nursing my babies. And every time, I am amazed at how my body works to feed and nourish them, soothe them, help them sleep, and bond with me. Not to mention the health benefits. Now, hear me, I am not saying that if you chose to bottle-feed, you are less of a mother, or that you have less of a bond with your baby, this has just been the right choice for us. Also hear me, I am a serious advocate for nursing, and I believe that every mother should at least give it a chance. If for no other fact than that it is the healthiest choice for infants (this not my opinion, but the recommendation of the AAP).

That being said, here are my thoughts. At first, I didn't want to breastfeed. I thought it was kinda gross, and I didn't want to have to be stuck in a room nursing while everyone else was together having fun in the other room. I also wanted other people to be able to bond with my baby by feeding him. And then I met some people who felt the way I do now about breasfeeding. And I began to think about it. And then my body did something amazing while I was pregnant. It prepared itself for nursing. God actually made my body for that purpose! My breasts got larger and tender, which was a nuisance at first. But then I began leaking milk, or at least, colostrum. WOW! I felt so empowered by God to nourish my son! At that point, there was no question in my mind that I would breastfeed him. And the research on the health benefits for mother and baby only solidified my choice.

Yes, it hurt. A lot. I remember crying as I fed him, and having serious scabs on my nipples. But that passed and then it was amazing. To see him go from crying and being hungry to completely relaxed simply from latching on to my breast was an incredible moment! I did that! God made my body to do that! And an infant's eye sight at birth is only as far as the distance from my breast to my eyes. What a time of bonding it was for us. And with my two girls as well. Then I researched extended breastfeeding. The latest research I can find is that while 74% of women attempt breastfeeding in the hospital, only 21% are still nursing at one year. I am in that category at this point. And I am making no attempt to wean. Charlie nursed for 14 months, only weaning because my milk changed during my pregnancy with Madeline. Madeline (are you sitting down?) nursed until she was 4. Yes 4. She only weaned after Caroline was born because I felt like it was time for her. She would still be nursing if I let her, and she still asks for "Num-Num's" from time to time (now we call them "Nummies"). And yes, I nursed them both for a while. This means that except for a short time while pregnant with Madeline, I have been nursing continually for over 7 years.

The health benefits apply even more the longer you nurse, for instance, fewer sicknesses for the baby, and lowering my chances for breast cancer. My mother had breast cancer, so this was a no-brainer for me. But I wouldn't have stopped even if there were no health benefits at all. I cannot explain in words the closeness I feel with my kids. The best feeling in the world is looking down into their eyes while they are nursing. Knowing that I am doing the most healthy thing for them I can do, and that we are as close as we can be to each other is such an incredible feeling. I will sit there at times and just thank God that we have this time together. And I don't want it to end. It makes me sad to think that at some point, Caroline will wean. At some point, I will be finished with breastfeeding forever. I will need to mourn that loss.

My friend Mandy told me yesterday of a story she heard about the actress Salma Hayek. While on a goodwill trip to Africa, she nursed a one week old baby whose mother had no milk. He instantly stopped crying and fed. What an amazing opportunity! I am a little jealous!

So as for my initial concerns about breastfeeding,, I have found that it is most certainly not gross, and I don't feel that I have ever missed out on anything that really mattered more than the task at hand. And while at first I was nervous, I no longer have any qualms about breastfeeding in public. I have learned to be very discreet. And I am proud when I see others doing the same. So those are my thoughts, for what they're worth. They are probably more for my own posterity than for your reading pleasure, but I just thought I'd share. And finally, one last sweet moment between Caroline and me while in the hospital. (Again, men, beware!) Could there be anything sweeter?

Sweet Aromas

I have started going to the site in the margin- Like A Warm Cup of Coffee. I thought it sounded good- I could have a warm cup of coffee almost any time, couldn't you? It is a devotional site that I found on someone's blog. Anyway, Monday it had a post of 1o Ways to Add Life to Your Home. It was really neat, but one of the replies to it REALLY had me thinking. You can find it here. Please take time to read it- it isn't long. It has really inspired me to prayerfully consider my attitude in my house as a mom. What exactly are my kids "smelling?"

New Car Seat

It's actually not new, just on it's third time around. But she seems to like it.

"Not enough hours in the day..."

How many times have I heard that one? And I never realized how true this one little saying was until I had kids. Funny how when I was a pre-teen, I couldn't WAIT to be in high school. The time couldn't pass fast enough. And then when I was in college, I couldn't WAIT to get married. Again, it seemed it would never happen. And then when I got married, I couldn't WAIT to get pregnant. We needed to work on our marriage first, but again, a "couple of years" seemed an eternity (not because of you, Dear)! And then ah! The glorious day of finding out I was pregnant! And 9 months seemed like it would NEVER come! Then BAM! Charlie was here and time seemed to snap into warp speed! All of a sudden he was crawling, walking, talking, and then Madeline was here, then Caroline, etc. etc. etc.

So now I really know the meaning of not having enough hours in the day. I'm not complaining about having kids, mind you, but it seems like some things just never get done. Will I always have this "feeling" that something is left undone? That something needs my attention (besides my kids) and I just can't quite get to it? This begs the question- What would I do with just one more hour in the day? Now for me, one more hour wouldn't cut it. It would have to be more like three or four because if I only have one hour, I won't even get started! So here is my list of things I would do with more hours in the day:

• Clean out all closets
• Clean out and organize the laundry room
• Clean out the garage
• Make a bulletin board for Madeline's room
• Make hair clips for the girls
• Paint hanging pegs for Madeline's room
• Clean out my jewelry cabinet
• Make a bulletin board for the church
• Make drapes for the church nursery
• Clean out our endless toys
• Clean out just about every cabinet in our home
• Teach Charlie to tie his shoes and ride a bike (I know- Slacker Mom!)
• Organize the pictures on my computer
• Make a collage of Caroline's body parts (you know, hands, feet, tummy, nose,etc.)
• Get back in touch with a friend in Alabama who called me before the holidays
• Read more books
• Research homeschooling more
• Scrapbook! Scrapbook! Scrapbook!

What would you do with more hours in your day??

A few more updates...

Highlights from Caroline's First birthday party:

The Birthday Princess

A Gift From Mom and Dad

Mom's Attempt at a Homemade cake.

"What's this stuff?"

Make a Wish!

"Let's taste this stuff!"

"Mmmmmm, Yummy!"

Scrap-When??

As it explains in my Title for my blog- I am indeed a Scrapbooker. Or at least I was at one time in my life. Before Charlie turned one, I decided it would be neat to have his first year scrapbook on display at his party. So for four months leading up to the big day, I did NOTHING but scrapbook. I worked and worked and worked. Often to the detriment of my house and sometimes my sweet fussing Charlie himself. But-- I did it!! I had that book finished and proudly on display at his first birthday party.

And then I thought I'd take a little break. After all, we hadn't seen the top of our kitchen table in months, I was seeing a way to cut and decorate almost EVERY surface and design I came across, I would lie in bed at night and search my mind for a way to finish that one page, and I needed more adult conversation. Maybe I'd read a book. Just think of what I could do with all those hours!

It is now almost 6 years later. And except for a few special projects here and there- for other people- I have yet to pick up the hobby I am so incredible passionate about. Get this- I am now 6 years behind on Charlie's books, almost 5 years behind on Madeline's books (not even having begun), and of couse one year behind on Caroline's. Oh, there were a few pages of Charlie's second year, and the beginning of one of Madeline's baby showers, but THAT'S IT! And every summer I think- "This is it! I will get out my scrapbooking and I will work all summer and get caught up!" Usually this is interrupted with either guests in our home, trips taken, or impending babies. And with each failed attempt the weight on my shoulders gets heavier and heavier.

It would be different if I were one of those moms that could just put the pictures in photo albums and give them dates and let that be that (no offense, Mandy!). I ALMOST wish I were one of those moms. And there is nothing wrong with being one of those moms- they are certainly under a lot less pressure and stress than I am, not to mention much more organized. But here's the thing. Ever since I was very young, I have loved paper. I used to collect stationary (really- just ask my mom!). I couldn't get enough of it. And then I didn't want to use it all because I liked it so much, so if I got down to the last sheet of it, I would keep it stashed away in a safe place. I would go into paper stores back then and go nuts and want it all. And this was 20-some-odd years ago. So you can only imagine what walking into a scrapbooking store does to me now. There is something about finding the perfect sheet of paper to highlight my precious photos- and did I mention I also collected stickers whe I was little? In books and binders and on folders, and I traded them and horded them. So again, the lure of a scrapbooking store! Not to mention all the other embellishments they have come out with in the last 20 years. I am hopeless!

So when I actually see my precious babes on a page that brings out their personality and tells a story that may not otherwise be told, it is such a treasure. There are things about Charlie's first year that I cannot even remember, but when we break out that book together we have so much joy looking at it together. And someday his wife will have such a treasure (If I can give it up!) And I know that my photos are on archival safe papers and in binders that will keep them their true colors forever. Even my husband must admit it's mice to pull out those books once in a while- and he does!

So here is my pledge. To my family, to my friends, to my kids, to whomever visits our home, and to you who are gracious enought to read my blog- this summer I will have my scrapbooking endeavour out on our dining room table indefinitely. Our meals will be eaten at the kitchen table, guests can use TV trays, and there will be NO impending babies! I will start with the most recent and move backwards from there. I will use all my birthday money for supplies. And I will take any donations of printer ink and picture paper for all the printing of pictures that will ensue. Please keep me accountable!

So in honor of the occasion, here are only a few of my favorites from Charlie's first 6 months book (yes, I had to divide his book into two!) Pardon the flashes and Caroline's hands- that's her saying, "I want my book, too!"

This is my absolute favorite picture of Charlie. And I saw this layout done in a scrapbook magazine. I personalized it with the caption "God's Child" because that is what the frame this picture is in has on italong with the bow.

This is Charlie's first Easter. He was only 4 days old and I was high on painkillers, but I was setermined to go to church. Afterwards, my Sister-in-Law, Sharon put b&w film in her camera and this was the result. Her is what I wrote:

"Easter Blessing"

Even thought you weren't born exactly on Easter, I still consider you my Easter Blessing. Easter has been a special day for me ever since I was a little girl. I always loved getting a new dress and new shoes and feeling so pretty Easter Sunday. That is why it was so important to me that you go to church on your first Easter Sunday. I looked and looked for the perfect Easter outfit for you before you were born and found a baby blue pants set with trains embroidered on it. It also had a cap and blanket to match. Mo and Opa brought it to you for this very special day. It was perfect!

This is my first Mother's Day. The journaling reads, "I couldn't believe that I actually got to celebrate my first Mother's Day. God gave you to us and you made me a mother. I hope that I can always live up to that title. I know I will make mistakes, and I know the day will come that you may not feel as close to me as you do now, but always know you are my son, my firstborn, my "Sweetest Boy," my baby. I love you with all my heart and I always will."

This is a layout of Charlie's great-grandparents, two of which have gone to be with the Lord. Win in the first picture, and Granny in the middle have since passed and never even got to see Caroline. So these pictures are priceless to me.

Don't know if you wanted to have such a long ramblings-on about scrapbooking, but consider it my pledge to continue with my passion. Moms don't make enough time for their own passions do they? So really- keep me accountable!!

Remembering Debbie

I know I often talk about our sweet friend Debbie. But it's because she is so greatly missed by our family. Thursday was the one year anniversary of her homegoing to the Lord. And so I have to pay homage to her here once again. It's not very often in your life that God places you in the path of someone who personifies His very face. Debbie certainly was such a person. She was such a bright light in our lives, and everything she did and said came from her love for the Lord. When we first met Debbie, she was just on the cusp of finding out she had cancer. And from the very first, she handled every difficulty that came her way with a dignity and a trust in the Lord that I'm not sure I could ever have. She taught me so many things, among them- how to be a prayer warrior. She taught me that prayer is so important and would always tell me she was praying for me. And that I could call her any time and let her know my troubles so that she could pray. I, in turn, learned to pray for her. I am sorry to say that I haven't lived up to her example, but I'm not sure that's possible. She never complained for complaining's sake, she never let it show on her face how much pain she was in or how bad she felt. When she was sick, she said playing with her "babies" made her feel better. When her hair fell out, she showed Charlie and Madeline how her new hair "fell off." When the end came nearer, and I was pregnant with Caroline, she said with certainty that she would "see that baby." And she did. When we would talk about the end, she said she was sad but also excited- "I get to see Jesus!" Grace, Faith, Love, Trust, Dignity. These are the things I think of when I think of Debbie. And of course my selfishness in how very much I miss her. I long to hug her neck and savor her scent. I long to hear an "I love you so much!" I long to see her face light up when she sees my kids, and I long to watch her excitement at watching Caroline's firsts. But God gets to have her now. And I'm jealous. But I know that it's right, and I have Debbie to thank for that as well.

Anniversaries

Anniversaries are a funny thing. Most of the time when you think of anniversaries, you think of the anniversary of a first kiss, getting engaged, your wedding, beginning a new job, or moving to a new house. But sometimes anniversaries are not of happy things. This week's anniversary is one such anniversary. Today's anniversary is of the day my Angel Baby Caroline met Ms. Debbie. We were released from the hospital Tuesday morning, March 4 and raced over to Hospice to see Debbie. I spoke to her and told her we were there. Her daughter Ashley helped me take Caroline and place her right up against Debbie's cheek and also place Debbie's arms around her so as to "hold" her. Caroline "rooted" on Debbie's cheek and Debbie raised her head in response. Sweet little kisses. We know she knew Caroline was there. She always said she would "see that baby." And the Lord let her live long enough to do just that. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I promised Debbie I would never let Charlie and Madeline forget her, and we would always tell Caroline of her. And that I loved her so much. It was the last time I saw and spoke to her. This day's anniversary, while leading up to Debbie's death, is still a special one because the Lord allowed Debbie to meet Caroline. He always works things for our good, doesn't He?

Sweet Baby Birthdays

Here is my precious Angel Baby Caroline on her first birthday. I can't believe she is one today. It seems like just yesterday that I gave birth to her. How can a year go by so quickly while so many things happen in that short amount of time? She is such a joy to us and to her brother and sister and our family and friends. She is a cuddler, she laughs, she loves anything with apples in it, and Ritz crackers are her favorite snack. She loves playing Peek-A-Boo, and raising her arms to show us "How big is Caroline?" She crawls at the speed of light when she hears the bath water running, and she loves her paci, blankie and nummies when it's time to sleep. She loves when her brother rolls with her on the floor, and when her sister helps mom sing "If all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops..." She loves to dance and is walking better and better every day- even learning how to walk in shoes now. She loves to stand at the back door and watch through the window as her brother and sister play outside. She loves Baby Einstein and Baby Praise videos, and unfortunately, she loves the toilet. She wants so badly to be included in playing with her brother and sister, sometimes much to their dismay. And today, we discovered that she loves chocolate ice cream.

If only time could slow. If only the minutes would seem more like hours and the hours more like days. When it comes to our kids, it seems that we go through life at warp speed only to find that we feel like we missed it. Have I "stopped to smell the roses" enough over the past year? Can I continue to do that with her, knowing that she is our last baby and that each moment with her is so precious? And when she is older like her brother and sister and the "firsts" are over and the chubbiness is gone, will I still be able to remember her the way she is now, at this very minute? And will I find, as I have with them, that the same exact thing is happening? That I am going through life at warp speed and feeling like I'm missing something? So, Lord, on this Caroline's first birthday, let me never take time with my kids for granted. Help me make each minute count for something. Help me be patient and loving and kind. Help me make memories that will last forever. Help me remember that you have entrusted them to us to make an eternal difference. Use us as parents to help shape them into who you want them to be. And thank you for our three precious babes.

Mom's Beauty Shop

I know I have a lot of catching up to do- AGAIN- but here is a recent big even in our house. Caroline's first haircut. I hesitated for so long because I could not bring myself to cut those curls. But when the back of her hair is reaching the middle of her back and the hair on top of her head MAY be an inch long- there's a problem. So in order for it to get caught up, I cut it off.

You can see how far down her back it went compared to the rest of her head. Like she had two different heads of hair!!

There! All straight across the bottom! It is actually much thicker now and hopefully will grow into a much better shape. Unfortunately, it made her look older, too!!

"Barack Obama"

My 4-year-old comes home from Pre-K yesterday and says excitedly, "Mom! Do you know what tomorrow is?" "What?" I ask back just as excitedly. "Someone moves out of the White House, and Barack Obama moves into the White House!"

Yikes! While I probably should have taken time at home with my kids to explain what is going on in our nation, I have not yet done so at any length. So when Madeline came in with this exciting news, I was floored. My 4-year-old jsut said the words "Barack Obama." It just sounded so wierd coming from her. She went on to say that they were going to "watch the movie of it" tomorrow at school. I was also aware that she did not say George Bush's name. So we had a little lesson right there in our kitchen.

It is not lost on me that today is a huge day in the history of our country. The nation has elected the first African-American President. That is such a big deal for so many people. And even though he wouldn't have been MY choice for President, the fact remains that he is now MY President. And as such I am called to pray for him and support him in that role. While it is hard for me to see the excitement on Madeline's face whenever she sees Barack Obama, I cannot let my thoughts and feelings on the subject seep through. I must teach my kids what the Bible teaches us. We are to pray for our leaders.

Turbo School

Mom: (Excitedly) "Since you and Dad have Super School, you and Mom are going to have "MEGA School!"

Charlie: "Well, actually, me and Dad have Super-Charged Turbo School."

Mom: (Heart sinks)

I guess I knew the day would come when my Sweetest Boy would identify more with his dad, but he's only 6! Do I have to let go so soon? Thankfully "Super-Charged Turbo Dad" was able to convince Charlie that he could have Mega School with Mom. Gee, Thanks!! Sigh.... Letting go little by little over the years ...... This is only the beginning..........